May 13, 2015

Surviving Two DVT & PE Episodes by Victor Zarate

Vic Survivor Speaks Post Graphic

The first one was in July 2011 after a long car ride from Colorado to Florida.  I drove without circulating and developed a DVT in my right calf.  It was sore for about two weeks (I never go to the doctor), I had no clue what was going on. One night soon after, while going to bed, I hurt my back.  What I didn’t know was that what actually happened is that the clot in my leg moved to my lungs.

I waited a couple of days and one day at work I just didn’t feel right.  So, I called my wife and said that I was going to go to urgent care to get myself checked out.  I went there and everything checked out okay.  The doctor said just in case I should go and get an ultrasound done on my calf the next day.  So, I made the appointment for the following day.  At the appointment the technician said that she couldn’t tell me if I had a clot or not and said that she would just go get the doctor if she found one.  It turned out that I had a clot the full length of my calf.  The doctor said that I should go to the ER right away.  I went there and the doctors begin to give me Lovenox and a Heparin drip via IV.

As the ER doc was leaving my room she said, “By any chance do you have any chest or back pain?”  I said come to think of it, I do have some back pain.  She said let’s take a CT scan just in case.  By the way….I’ve come to hate CT scans with contrast with a passion.  Soon after the CT scan a bunch of people, nurses and doctors came into my room with a sense of urgency.  I was diagnosed with multiple bi-lateral pulmonary embolisms.

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I had no clue what that was and just tried to enjoy my time in the hospital since I was going to be there for awhile.  According to the doctors I had a very serious condition and I was a very atypical PE patient since my O2 sats remained at 99 the entire time.  I stayed three days in the hospital and took two weeks off of work.  I went back to normal life, except the Coumadin therapy of course.  In fact I went back to exercising.  I ran in a few 5K races and even in October 2011 went for a 26 mile hike on the AT while still on Coumadin.  I had no clue how serious that could have been if I were to have an accident.  After six months of Coumadin the doctor said I should be fine to get off the Coumadin and then  have some blood drawn to test for blood clotting disorders.  All the results came back negative.  Great news!  No more Coumadin.

The second one was much different.  It happened in January 2014.  I again had a sore calf.  This time it was the left side.  I had been exercising and I just thought that I had a sore calf from straining it.  I noticed that I was a little out of breath going up hills and stairs.  So, I decided that I was going to get in better shape.  I was so out of breath that it was hard just to walk home from work up a relatively small hill.  I went to work one day and I noticed that I was having a hard time breathing.  So much so that I couldn’t even finish a complete sentence without having to take a breath.  I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what.  So, off to the ER again.  I walked into the ER everything was looking good, O2 saturation was good while resting, heart rate perfect and blood pressure a little high.  The doctor said that I might just be having some anxiety but that since I had DVT/PE history they would do a CT scan.  Long story short I was diagnosed with a very large saddle PE with multiple bi-lateral PE and a DVT that was the whole length of my right leg.  This time I was in trouble big time even though I was feeling well.  I had to be flown flight for life to the hospital.  Upon arrival to the hospital, I was informed that I needed to have open heart surgery immediately.

After being there for a couple of hours the doctors came back to me and said that since I was very stable that they should wait to do the surgery until the morning.  Morning came and so did the doctors.  A lot of them.  They all were coming to see the “walking dead”.  I should’ve died they all said.  So, they scheduled the surgery.  I signed all the paper work.  Called my mom and my children, my wonderful wife was by my side, and said prayers.  Soon the doctors came back and they decided that I was a good candidate for interventional radiology.  They said it would be risky but that I was a good candidate because I was so stable.  Praise God the angiogram worked!  The catheters that they put in my heart and lungs broke up and dissolved the clots and after another CT scan, did I mention I hate those, I was all clear.  The saddle PE was nearly gone along with most of the PEs in my lungs.  I spent 10 days in the hospital.  Several weeks in a bed recovering because I was so exhausted from just a walk to the car.

This one hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had none of these problems with my first DVT/PE.  None!  I experienced exhaustion, anxiety, depression and fear.  I couldn’t even talk about or watch something exciting without getting exhausted and anxious.  I did not expect this.  It changed my life.  To this day I still have problems with all the above mentioned conditions.  Thank God not all of them at once.  I will be on blood thinners for life.  However, I will say that I am getting better.  Just the other day I exercised with my son.  I walked a half a mile, did some jump roping, squats and lunges.  However, I did very few of all those activities and it wiped me out.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

I write all this to say that you can experience all different types of complications from DVT/PE.  I will say that you have to keep fighting.  Don’t give up.  That fact that you survive these awful problems means that God has some plans for you still.  Listen to your doctors.  Don’t be ashamed of taking medicine to get through the PTSD.  It is God’s grace that we have these medicines to help us.  I hope my story helps someone out there and that we all can have hope that things do get better over time.  It’s the waiting part that is hard but we have to be patient.  I’m speaking to myself as well.

God bless and I hope you all have quick and easy recoveries.

Thank you, Vic, for sharing your story! You can connect with Vic on Facebook. 

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September 10, 2014

A Survivor Speaks: A Remarkable Recovery

I wished to share my PE experience which is now 3 months out. Back in May, I just came back from a successful but exhausting trip in Calgary to my Montreal home. I decided to extend the long weekend by taking Friday off when I woke up with a strange and out of place feeling in my right breast. It felt like a little inner poke or a little lump. It did not feel cardiac, more muscular, but still out of place. I found it strange as I only did cardio workouts for the last few days and did no lift any weights or performed push-ups. Since it was on my rights side, there was no immediate panic and I simply tried to rub it out over and over again. I even called one of my staff and joked about this sudden chest discomfort brushing it off as nothing.

I went downstairs, my wife was on the twins case about homework and getting their project done – being a traveling father and now dealing with this lump, I really did not want to get into it and kept rubbing by chest as the discomfort grew. At this point it was not painful but did not feel natural. We all have aches and pains and in most cases they go away – or so I was hoping.

The uneasiness grew, I did not want to scare my wife and kids and discreetly started to look up heart attack symptoms on my iPad, took 2 baby aspirins -and even some Tums. Even though it was on my right side, it was in my chest area. I had no typical symptoms except for this persistent lump that I kept rubbing. So I figured I had to “walk it off” and went to do errands with my head slightly getting overloaded with anxiety.

I came home and kept holding my chest. It was not really painful, just out of place. I figured I might as well get it checked out as it was not going away. Somehow this hit my little boy and he began to cry and fear for his Dad. I decided to drive myself to the Lakeshore General hospital in the West Island of Montreal.

Now Lakeshore is not the biggest hospital in Montreal and does not have the reputation carried by the Montreal General, Royal Vic or the Montreal Jewish hospital. It’s close by and convenient. I figured and “hoped” that if I did have a cardiac event, they would know what to do and, if need be, stabilize me and ship me out. But a hospital is a hospital and I just lauded spending possibly hours in ER triage and waiting room. I mean I looked really healthy otherwise so who knew what the wait would be, I packed up my iPod , iPad, chargers and portable Wi-Fi. I was set for the next several hours.

As I left home, my wife said, “Tell them you have chest pains and high cholesterol.”  Okay, I guess, anything to get through this faster so I can back home.

“Yes sir,” said the ER nurse. “Hum, I have high cholesterol and chest pains,” I replied

She barraged me with the typical questions and asked me the pain level from 1 to 10. Something I did not expect, at this point there was no DVT pain or anything except for this lump.

“About 3, but if I move this way or breathe hard it can go up to a 6 maybe,” I replied and went to sit down because I was getting light-headed with stress and hunger.

The wait was not that long after all; I guess being middle aged and complaining about chest pains gets some attention. The same questions kept coming back: “Why are you here? Where does it hurt? Do you feel nauseous?” And the dreaded, “What’s your pain level from 1 to 10?”

They gave me an EKG that was rather funky but not definitive. Blood work, several hours apart, was in order to see if the ticker got damaged and the gurney took me from triage to the bowels of the ER. A young Doctor who comes from the same country as my parents and with the seriousness of seeing one too many hypochondriacs asked me again to quantify the level of pain I had, if I had shortness of breath etc… Frankly at this point, I thought I was wasting everyone’s time including my own.

“Look,” I said, ” I’m in solid shape” which I am. “I was in Calgary where I did 3 solid cardio workouts in 3 days, doing 50 minutes on the elliptical followed by climbing 20 flights of stairs – no issues, no pain all good. My last night in Calgary was brutal as the fire alarm went off at 1:30 a.m.,  and I had an early morning meeting before coming back East that day. I was wiped by the time I got home. It’s probably just muscular, plus fatigue etc.”

The young Doctor kept saying, “We will just make sure.”  And for the next few hours, he kept checking up on me, asking if the pain was the same, and it was. The answers never deviated, but I wondered if I just needed to pack it up believing, that I was taking someone else’s bed that needed real attention. He kept coming back and then asked in a Dr House manner, “You said you travel, right?”

“Huh huh” I replied. “Let me check just one more thing.” He then proceeded to have me do a chest x-ray and CT Scan. All I could think was “Wow,this is Canada, not bad.” I was not keen on having this liquid in my veins, for the CT scan, but I’m here, let’s get everything checked. I did not think much about it. The young Doc came back at 11:00 p.m. to interrupt my Candy Crush game. “I’m glad I did the test,” he said, “You have blood clots in your right lung.”

I was to be kept overnight, monitored and told I would have to to take anti-coagulants and blood thinners. In the morning, I would see a hematologist. I asked if I could be out of the hospital by 1:00 p.m. as the puck was dropping at that time for the hockey playoffs. I had priorities obviously.

I was nevertheless stunned. I knew it was serious, but realized only when I started doing internet searches on the severity of the matter. The young doctor’s gut feeling to do this scan probably saved my life and/or avoided further internal trauma and damage to my lungs or worse. Spending a night in the ER is quite something, but the staff made me feel comfortable, even fetching me a sandwich when I was starving late in the evening.

I was quite happy to go home. Say what you want about the Canadian Medicare system, but it works. I had no papers, insurance or others to sign and all that it cost me was $13.50 for parking. I now continue to see a no-nonsense hematologist at the hospital and am proceeding strongly. I have recovered well, and after reading the challenges of so many, I feel fortunate. I was back doing long walks and working out. I did suffer a setback due to a severe summer cold causing extreme fatigue, but finally recovered from that and am back full swing. I continue to take Coumadin and am stable with little bleeding incidents. I will likely do so for a long time, if not life.

My PE was “unprovoked” and since treatments work and don’t affect my day to day life and sport activities, the Hematologist believes I should stay on. Overall, the hospital was great and accessible but I again attribute my recovery to this young ER doctor and his common sense gut feeling. While serious in his duties, I remember seeing him smile when I said, ” You know that Milan Lucic, the hockey player from Boston and nemesis of anything Montreal, he is one of us.”

Since I left, I joined Blood Clot Recovery Network on Facebook or BCRN. Sara, the founder, has been my rock, helping me understand what was happening to me, to my body, and what was I going through in the healing process. For this I’m grateful to Sara and her commitment. My awareness regarding thrombosis is at a heightened level, and I feel lucky to be able to share my story and while fortunate appreciate the struggles that so many who are afflicted by a blood disorder go through.

*Editor’s Note:  Thank you, Yves, for sharing your story with BCRN! Connect with Yves in the comments below or in the BCRN Facebook Discussion Group.

 

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July 9, 2014

A Survivor Speaks: PE, Take Two by Juli Keller

I have suffered two Pulmonary Embolism (PE) events. The first, in April of 2003, was about 4 weeks after birthing my son. That evening. I went from trouble breathing to pain in my lower right side and back. The next day, I went to an urgent care physician who diagnosed me with a pulled muscle and put me on pain killers. That was that and after two weeks on painkillers, all seemed better, or so I thought, until my body decided to replay the previous occurring events six years later.

It had been a week since I felt like I had pulled a muscle in my right side/lower back again. As the day went on, I developed a very random cough. I did not have chest congestion or a tickle in my throat, just a spontaneous and annoying cough. I didn’t feel “bad” at the time, but for some reason I started writing instructions for my co-workers on how to finish a couple of my projects. Little did I know then, I was experiencing what is called a “sense of impending doom,” a common, but little known, symptom of PE. That night I went to bed but woke up in the middle of the night with one thought on my mind. . . .Would I know if I was dying? As I pondered this thought I became short of breath and had more pain in my back.

In the morning, I went to to my Primary Care Physician (PCP) and was diagnosed with bronchitis/borderline pneumonia. I was given a prescription for pills and an inhaler. My body instantly reacted to the inhaler, but not in a positive way! I was certain I was going into Cardiac Arrest. After doubling over, I mustard up some composure and went outside to catch my breath, but I couldn’t. I don’t remember this part, but my kids say I crawled up the steps and on to my bed which is when they decided to make the call to 9-1-1.

At 11:30 in the evening, ER doctors were going to release me with a diagnosis of pneumonia, but since they had me hooked up to an IV already, the attending physician decided to take a closer look at the pneumonia area by doing a CT Scan with contrast. Less than five minutes later, I had about six doctors and nurses at my side; one injecting me in the stomach and the others hooking me up to what seemed like a million machines. I was told shortly after mid-night on April 1, 2009 that I had suffered multiple (too many clots to count) PEs in my right lung and that they had to do what they could to dissolve the clots as soon as possible to avoid killing off more of my lung…. More of my lung, what?!  This is when they discovered my last pulled muscle in 2003 was also a PE event. I don’t remember much of my hospital stay other than going in and out on people in the middle of conversations (I felt so rude). The weeks to follow were dreadful – doctor appointments, not being able to walk more than a couple of feet without feeling like I was going to pass out and major guilt for surviving after researching statistics. I couldn’t understand what made me a better mother than others who lost their lives….they should still be here for their kids too and with that, PTSD kicked in.

My message is this:  Listen to your body and mind. Demand a CT with Contrast* if you have symptoms of PE. I should have died in the hospital that night and had they sent me home, I would have died in my sleep that night. A CT with Contrast Scan saved my life and could save yours as well.

Life today is not often a walk in the park. Like most other PE survivors, I have both good and bad days. At 42 years old, that is an awful truth to voice. I have days where I can barely function, but find a way to push on through, not at 100%, but I make it (and at the end of those days I ask myself how the hell did I just pull that off?). I take on my bad days silently without much complaining because I do not want pity, I do not want people to be afraid of me, and I also know that most people do not understand or accept the continued challenges we survivors face. I have learned to live with the guilt of survival, but it still resides within me.

As for the good days, thank God for them! I use them to the fullest of my ability to take in and enjoy everything and everyone around me. My kids have always been patient with my new ways of life and my son (the youngest of them, now 11, who gets blamed by his sisters as my favorite) is so in tune with my days that it scares me a little. He thanks me for almost everything; including his dinner every night, he offers me the last of everything and on those bad days he is right there kissing me, hugging me, asking if I need anything and if I will be okay. He reminds me often that he loves me and sincerely apologizes for making tough days tougher, if he has. So much for such a young soul to deal with, but he is truly an amazing light in my life, he is definitely my favorite. . .(and only) son. 😉

The fact is few will care enough to notice us, most will not try to understand us and some will even slight us, but we are survivors and when all else fails we have each other.

*Editor’s Note: A computed tomography (CT) scan uses X-rays to make detailed pictures of structures inside of the body and is most commonly performed at the hospital (versus a doctor’s office or Urgent Care setting). In some cases, a dye called contrast material may be used, thus resulting in a CT with Contrast. The dye is administered usually via IV or mouth and makes structures and organs, such as the chest, lungs, abdomen or legs, easier to see on the CT pictures.
Thank you, Juli, for sharing your story with BCRN! Connect with Juli in the comments below.

 

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July 31, 2013

How To Talk to Your Doctor about a Possible Blood Clot

Talk to Your Doctor about a Possible Blood Clot

Once in a while I get an email from acquaintances – or even strangers– describing what they fear is a symptom(s) of a blood clot in their legs. More often than not, the individual tells me they have already scheduled an appointment with their Primary Care Physician (PCP) and are waiting – and worrying – to find out what might be wrong. For many of these individuals, they have never had a blood clot before, and they want to approach their doctors with specific questions pertaining to testing and determining if in fact they do have a blood clot. And, many of these emails have concluded with, “What did you tell your doctor because I am worried he/she might not think to look for a blood clot?” I have found it is often difficult to decide how to talk to your doctor about a possible blood clot either because we don’t know what to say or are embarrassed to do so.

I always respond to these inquiries with the same information (starting with I am glad to hear you are listening to what your body is telling you) and explain that in my situation there was no time to contact a physician because by the time I realized something was wrong, I was struggling not only to walk, but breathe because the blood clot had traveled from my leg and lodged in my lung as a pulmonary embolism (PE) escalating from a manageable situation to a critical one. There was no time for preliminary discussions because I was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for immediate care and observation.

Still, I believe many blood clots – especially blood clots in the limbs (DVT) – are treatable before they dislodge and cause major problems to the heart, lungs or brain. If I had identified the pain in my calf as a serious and needing medical attention, I would have wondered what to ask my PCP when I was there. I would have gone in and said, “It hurts and I don’t know why,” and would still be hoping for the best possible outcome. Still, it is not always easy to say ‘It hurts’ because we often feel like we have to have something visibly or horribly wrong to see a doctor or fear being labeled a hypochondriac later – when something really might be wrong. Before my PE, I often felt like I had some sort of limit placed on the amount of times I could see a doctor with unfounded complaints before I would be hesitant to go back in.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would have said to a doctor before my situation evolved into an emergency and after doing some reading and discussing options with other survivors, I have come up with some guidelines for how to talk to your doctor about a possible blood clot. First and foremost, one should have an understanding of the symptoms of a DVT, which can be read here. It is important to note if you are experiencing symptoms of a PE, heart attack, stroke, having shortness of breath, chest pains or lost consciousness, please seek emergency medical help or call 9-1-1.

How to Talk to Your Doctor about a Possible Blood Clot
Before Your Appointment:
  • Call your PCP/Sports Physician/Specialist/etc. and request the next available appointment. It may be beneficial to say on the phone “I am concerned about symptoms A, B, C being a possible blood clot and would like the next available appointment.” If your doctor cannot work you in within the next couple of days and your symptoms do not subside or if they get worse, skip your physician’s office and head to an Urgent Care instead. You could also ask to be put on a cancellation list if you have to wait a couple of days.
  • If you have redness or swelling that is coming and going in, for example, your leg take a picture with your phone or camera to take with you in case your leg does not look the same the day of your appointment.
  • Write down symptoms you have that you are worried you may not remember on the day of your appointment.
During Your Appointment:
  • Explain your symptoms in as much detail as you can. This is where it would be helpful to pull out your picture or written note.
  • Explain why you think it may be a blood clot (especially if the doctor asks). For example, I recently had a friend say, “One of my friends had a blood clot in her lung that almost killed her and she didn’t know what it was ahead of time so I am here as a precaution.” Or you could say, “I have been reading about blood clots and a lot of my symptoms seem to fit, I would like to rule it out.” Or, “I have a history of blood clots in my family and am concerned.”
  • If you have a history of blood clots (yourself or family members), please inform your doctor. If you are taking medications that may increase your chance of blood clotting (i.e. oral contraceptives), please inform your doctor. Even if this information has previously been noted in your medical charts, be sure to remind your doctor during your exam.
If Your Doctor Does Not Agree:

I have learned that we must be an advocate for our own health and have read countless stories where someone approaches medical staff with a concern and it is dismissed as something not to worry about. If you believe you are suffering from a blood clot (DVT) and your doctor does not agree, be sure to find out why he or she does not agree. If you are uncomfortable with the explanation, you are entitled to ask for a second opinion! If you do not want to wait to seek an additional opinion, there are specific tests you can request to rule out the possibility of a blood clot. This information is also helpful to have so you can understand if your doctor is considering the possibility of a blood clot by ordering these tests.

  • Request a Doppler Ultrasound (Also called a Doppler, a scan, an ultrasound, an image). A Doppler ultrasound test uses reflected sound waves to see how blood flows through a blood vessel and is the most common method of diagnosing DVT. It helps doctors evaluate blood flow through major arteries and veins, such as those of the arms, legs, and neck. It can show blocked or reduced blood flow through narrowing in the major arteries of the neck that could cause a stroke. It also can reveal blood clots in leg veins that could break loose and block blood flow to the lungs (Web MD). This test is simple and may be scheduled at your doctor’s office or walk-in hospital lab. It should only take a few minutes to complete a Doppler and the results are available immediately. It does not hurt (unless you have pain in your limb, because they will push firmly on it to get a clear image). Do not be alarmed if your doctor orders more than once Doppler a couple of weeks a part to monitor your situation.

Although less common and sometimes unnecessary depending on your situation, you may also request or your physician may order if imaging results are unclear (test descriptions compiled from Web MD):

    • A D-Dimer Test is a blood test that measures a substance released as a blood clot breaks up. D-dimer levels are often higher than normal in people who have a blood clot. A low d-dimer test result may mean that a deep vein thrombosis or pulmonary embolism is less likely. A high d-dimer test result may not always be caused by a blood clot in the leg or lung. This is completed by a intravenous blood draw, so please note it you have a sensitivity to needles.
    • Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test uses a magnetic field and pulses of radio wave energy to make pictures of organs and structures inside the body. In many cases MRI gives different information about structures in the body than can be seen with an ultrasound. MRI also may show problems that cannot be seen with other imaging methods. Using MRI to look at blood vessels and the flow of blood through them is called magnetic resonance angiography (MRA). It can find problems of the arteries and veins, such as a blocked blood vessel. Sometimes contrast material is used to see the blood vessels more clearly. This test is non-invasive, but requires you to sit or lay still for a period of time as the images are taken. Some people find this test uncomfortable if you do not like small spaces
    • A computed tomography (CT) scan uses X-rays to make detailed pictures of structures inside of the body. During the test, you will lie on a table that is attached to the CT scanner, which is a large doughnut-shaped machine. The CT scanner sends X-rays through the body area being studied. In some cases, a dye called contrast material may be used. It may be put in a vein (IV) in your arm, or you may drink it in some cases.
    • A venogram is an X-ray test that takes pictures of blood flow through the veins in a certain area of the body. During a venogram, a special dye (contrast material) is put into your veins so they can be seen clearly on an X-ray picture. A venogram looks at the condition of your veins and the valves in your veins. It shows the veins in your body and whether or not they may be blocked. This test requires some preparation ahead of time and should be discussed in detail with your doctor.
After Your Appointment:
  • Follow up with any tests your doctor has ordered. If you have been instructed to seek further testing at a walk-in lab or hospital testing facility, call right away to get the hours of operation and do not delay further testing.
  • Follow up with your doctor regarding treatment if a blood clot is discovered.
  • If you are unhappy with your diagnosis, seek an additional opinion or if your condition worsens, seek urgent medical care.

Share your story. Did you request an additional test from your doctor and if so, what was it? How was your blood clot diagnosed initially? Did you visit your doctor with any concerns? What did you say to your doctor? Have you been an advocate for yourself in diagnosing a blood clot?

There is hope for healing and you are not alone,

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May 22, 2013

Into the darkness

Read the first part of my story to get caught up.

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They say we are only given what we can handle in this life. But, lying alone (except for the nurse who was appointed to stand guard over me every second of the night, monitoring me for even the slightest change) in the cardiac intensive care unit after being admitted with a deep vein thrombosis (DVT) in my left calf and a pulmonary embolism (PE) that traveled through my heart and lodged in my left lung, I wasn’t convinced I could handle any of it. I had unexpectedly lost my mother just this time the year before and I was pretty sure I had quickly reached my lifetime limit of “things that can go wrong, will go wrong” as I plunged into the darkness. Turns out, I was wrong about that too – I should have known.

I missed my mom terribly, but was unable to focus on anything except the extreme pain I had felt that day and still now. In the ER, I was given morphine and then a cocktail of other pain pills, which took the edge off, but I couldn’t breathe without it hurting. I was given oxygen immediately and when I asked my guardian if I could get up to pee, he instructed I could not – in any way – move and that he would help me go to the bathroom. My choices were a catheter or a bedpan. I chose the later, he lifted me carefully, sliding the pan under me and turned his back. I waited for him to leave and he finally stepped outside of the curtain, but was back within seconds after the silence returned to the room, signaling my finish. It was dark, very dark, and I couldn’t see his face, but I asked him why he never left and he said it was his sole job to keep me company. I asked him if I would make it and he said I had good doctors to take care of me. Not exactly the answer I was looking for.

I remember being there, with him, for a few days and my family coming to see me. Everyone was speaking in hushed tones and I could barely feed myself. I wasn’t hungry anyway, though. I don’t remember seeing a doctor at all and I would later find out, my whole hospital stay was a blur of memories because of all the pain drugs I remained on.

From there, I was moved to a larger ICU room, sparsely furnished except for me – smack dab in the middle – and nothing else. It didn’t sink in until later, after conversing with a friend who faithfully visited in spite of her own fears, that the room wasn’t meant for comfort, it was meant to save my life in the even that I crashed. I get chills to this day recalling just how close to death I had come.

The hospital provided a battery of tests to diagnose my conditions – chest x-rays and imaging scans to look at my lungs and heart; Doppler imaging scans to check every organ in my body for damage; more Dopplers and scans to check my legs every other day and even an MRI to check my brain.

The DVT in my leg was severe and extended from my groin area down to my ankle. There was nearly no blood flow in my lower leg, as the veins were blocked from the clot just behind my knee. The vice feeling I had. About an eighth of my lung tissue was destroyed in the ordeal and was now dead, causing my lung to collapse. Yes, it did feel like a knife stabbing.

My thoughts – and then mostly incoherent sentences – consisted of “but I’m a runner” and “I am starting a new job on Monday so I have to go.” Neither would be happening anytime soon and one would not last through the summer, much to my devastation. I couldn’t believe this was happening, to me, nonetheless.

The medical staff, once they discovered I had been on oral contraceptives for several years, concluded that was the problem and once I stopped taking it (which I already had) all of my other problems would be solved. It wasn’t until a specialist got called in – to this day no one, not even him, recalls how – and discovered that I actually had antiphospholipid syndrome (APS), an autoimmune condition that causes the blood to clot when it shouldn’t. That specialist is now my Hematologist and I am convinced between him and my primary care physician who instructed me to go to the hospital after losing his own brother to a PE, are the reasons I am still here today. I didn’t understand what was happening and the Hematologist assured me the few times I remember speaking to him that there would be plenty of time to understand once I was no longer in such a volatile state. He told me I was very sick, lucky to be alive and not going anywhere anytime soon. I spent the better part of six days in the ICU and then another four on the cardiac care unit. At 29 years old, I was the youngest one there.

My husband, Dad, sister and three girl friends that visited kept me hanging on when I was sure I was about to lose it all. I remember being scared, lonely, irritated, angry, sad and in constant, unrelenting, at times unbearable pain. I saw bugs that weren’t there, had conversations that only I remember, others that only I don’t, and sent text messages that make no sense even to this day. I was not aloud to get up except for two days before I left the hospital and when I finally did, my legs turned to Jell-O beneath my body weight. It took one of my friends and my husband to help me shuffle to the toilet only four feet away from my bed. It took my friend holding me up while I used it and a nurse helping me wipe because I couldn’t move my arm behind me. I remember being mortified, angry, scared and in terrible pain. If this was how my life was going to be, I started to have serious second thoughts about being thankful that I was still alive.

“What happened to my life?” seemed like the understatement of the year. I couldn’t remember anything, at all. I continually asked the same questions over and over and over again. “What happened?” “Why am I here?” “Why can’t I go home?” “Did somebody call my job?” “Can I run?” “Why do I need that?” “What do I have?” “Did I die?” And, except for a select few of the ones who were convinced it was birth control and nothing else, everyone answered me again and again and again, no matter how many times I asked.

The hematologist told me very little in the hospital and looking back, I am thankful because I wouldn’t, couldn’t and didn’t understand any of it at the time – and there’s been nothing but time to start to figure it out since then.

One thing I was certain of, though, I was given a second chance at life and was determined, committed, adamant that I would not waste what I had been given. On the ride home from the hospital with my husband – toting and oxygen tank and bag of pills – I wailed about how life was meant to be lived and I was given a new lease to do so starting now. It wasn’t until weeks later that I discovered I survived something one in three people do not and that, to me, is proof that I was left to live here for a reason – and maybe part of that reason is telling all of you about what happened to me.

In healing there is hope and you are not alone,

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